Dear Readers,

Meet Jenny, Nicole, and Billy.  We say “dear”, because we are going to be as uncensored, unedited, and dear as possible.  This is our mission statement to you.  We expect the same in return.

What’s this all about?  We are text messaging junkies.  For example, when a good text comes in – the look on our face is that of a child on Christmas, or someone shooting heroin for the first time.  Make no mistake, text messaging is an addiction.

We aim to inform you of signs and stories of this addiction.  There are straight up do’s and dont’s when it comes to text messaging.  This is a big one.  You could stumble here and get freaked.  Trust me, you don’t want fear to impede the possible euphoria that we experience as die hard texters.  Peeps, we’ve been there.  Just like falling off the horse, you gotta get back in the game.

Because there’s not enough advice out there - like who you should vote for, or what to wear – this team is going to help guide you to text messaging success.  We’re tired of asking each other for advice.  Let’s make an open forum for clever Texting 2.0.  We’ll even throw in a fun top 10 what not to do list, as well as some handy technology advice.

Game?

The Gravity of Your Text Message Machine

Billy here.

Anyone else feel it?

When I go to the gym, I leave mine at home.  It’s one of the few times I leave it behind, though not far.  Others are when I am out to dinner (not lunch, usually) or at a very “formal” event – and even then it depends on the event.  At church, it stays in the car.  At a wedding, hell, I have to confess: It depends!  I guess, though, I’m pretty much addicted to the thing.  And, oh, yeah, when I’m trading (one of the things I do for a living) I put the little machine on silent.  No interruption is important enough then.  Well, there IS one but she has to deliver that in person.  I digress …

The point is, I don’t know about you but, for me, my Blackberry is always somewhere in the back of my mind.  If it’s not with me, I’m wondering what note awaits my return.

I guess it’s kind of like when there was no phone in the REALLY old days (you know, when it was uphill both ways to school) and someone heard the Pony Express, Wells Fargo Wagon or some other carrier of lore had come riding into town with something for them.  That person just couldn’t wait to get to the depot to see what it was.

Or, perhaps it’s like when we (well, OK, some of us) were kids and the home phone rang.  If there were siblings it was, “I’ll get it!”, followed by a mad dash to the phone to see who it was.  I don’t know about you but, if I answered and I wasn’t the first to yell, “I’ll get it!” (or, even if I was – I had an older sister), there  would be hell to pay.

Whatever it is about a text message, it’s special.  When I’m away for a bit I just look forward to getting back to see my text messages.  Even worse is when I hear the “buzz, buzz” of a text message and my Blackberry is across the room or not immediately at hand.  Forget about it!  I can hardly think straight until I see what sort of little nugget awaits me. 

Is this because texting is still different from e-mail or a phone call? Somehow sacred?  It may be.  Yeah, junk is starting to come via text but not so much and not unless you’ve asked for it.  And, God willing, it will stay that way.  It will stay sacred.  Know what I mean?  If it comes via text, it’s coming from someone you really know.  So, you want to see it.  If it’s the phone – even your cell phone … who knows?  It might be work-related.  Bad news.  And an e-mail or, yuck, snail mail?  Yeah, not so much …  If it’s snail mail it’s a bill.  That stuff can wait.

Texting, though?  Yeah, it’s good.  I like it.  And God bless the telecommunications companies for thinking of it … and for helping us to keep it private – sacred, even – so we can count on it for those little nuggets!

Anyone else feel it?  Feel the gravity?  The gravity of the Text Message Machine?  I do. 

Until next time something happens or something crosses my mind …

Cheers,

Billy

When to wait one month to text message

I get it.

We’re dating business professionals.  Life is full of meetings, weddings, and special events.  Billy and I were discussing when to re-kindle text messages after a no-response period.

I tried to re-instate a gentlemen that I had interest in.  It seemed for the two weeks we texted that we just couldn’t find the time to hang out.  Billy advised to give it a month.  A lot can happen in a month.  If they were dating someone new, that relationship could fail by then.  If they were really busy with work, it could slow down by then.

If after a month you text to try and meet up and they don’t reply, go ahead and let that one go.  Heck, at that point I may be wrapped up with someone and be too busy to meet up. 

I’ll let you know how it works out with me in the next few weeks.

Has this worked for any of you in the past?

The “SM” (short message) part can sometimes get you in trouble.

Jenny here….

I wanted to share an experience I had a while back with the “short message” part.

 I was at an event, doing that event planning thing I do, buzzing about in my little navy sundress, strappy sandals and lip gloss keeping my client happy and my staff humming, oh, and flirting with a cute guy via, you guessed it, SMS, text messaging.  Text messaging has bullied its way into all areas of our lives.  There are few, if any, times or places we don’t feel at ease with this platform.  See Billy’s post about his 12 year old nephew in school and then there is Nicole, phew…..that girl needs a text message guardian!

So we have this flirty dialogue going on and every time I pass the kitchen where my people are working and my Blackberry is tucked in a corner I feel compelled to reach for it and either send or receive.  I’m thinking to myself, “damn, I’d rather be kissing him than standing here looking at all these hot sweating cooks in this kitchen and parading about with my plastered on smile out front….. so I send him a text.

Me: I’d rather be kissing you.

Him: Well who the hell are you kissing????

Yikes, wooooppppsss.  The “short message” part!  Some of you may also find yourselves in this sort of plight where you get into a dialogue with someone and you assume they’re in your head, don’t!  

Text message flirting as a platform, is wide open.  There is no sound of the human voice which itself carries a certain energetic field,  there are no pauses, no flirty eye contact like a wink, or body language.  No, just words, and words are powerful make no mistake.  However, the combination of “short messages” unaccompanied  by all the flirtatious human qualities we have been working hard on (no pun intended!) for decades while actually in the company of our object of desire, is a recipe for vast misinterpretation.

What follows next is one of those moments where you are standing holding your SMS device and laughing out loud, quite literally, and for me, that night, finding my client standing next to me wondering what the hell Jenny and announcing, ” we’re out of cheese puffs on the buffet”!

Me: rotflmfao!

know what this means?  ”rolling on the floor laughing my freakin (or F*&%ing) ass off”!

My assistant and I spent the rest of the evening laughing about it.  I think I just left him hanging for a while until we finished the night and I got in my the car to drive home.  Ahhhh, texting while driving…..stay tuned got LOTS on that subject.

Texting during school??? (Part 2)

Billy following-up.

So, it’s the next day and, earlier, my sister sent me some pics of my nephew, Millions, and his new electric bass guitar (The bloody thing is bigger than he is!).  It was about 2:00 pm when she sent them and the e-mail gave me an idea.  I was going to send Millions another text during school and use that as an opportunity to actually be an adult; which I was not yesterday!

(2:35 pm) Me: Love the bass, dude!!! So, I’m figuring we’ll be able to put something together.  That’ll be way cool!  Look fwd to it!!

You see, I play the guitar (well, I try anyway) and I know my nephew has been talking about us getting together at Chrismas to jam.  Won’t everyone else in the house be so pleased…  “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” with a smokin’ bass line.  Yeah, the Christmas spirit.  Good stuff.

(2:36 pm) My nephew: Hell yah me too!!!! <<>:->>>

Love the “Hell yah.”  Wonder where he got that from?  And, there’s that emotican signature again.

(2:58 pm) Me:  R u still in school??!!?!?!

Obviously (and it turns out it was obvious to him too), I was setting this conversation up to set things from yesterday straight.

(2:59 pm) My nephew:  Yfa <<>:->>>

I have NO idea what this means.  Any help would be much appreciated.  I didn’t ask him.

(3:00 pm) Me:  How r u able to text me? Is ur teacher in space?

Yeah, I know.  I’m trying to be responsible here.  Just stick with me …

(3:02 pm) MY nephew: Lol <<>:->>>

(3:06 pm) Me:  Judging from your short responses, I think ur still in class. Look, it seems like fun and games but, seriously, avoid temptation. Do what you need to do. 4 me.

Now, I took a few minutes on this one.  Trying to send him a bit of a useful message without being a total wet rag.  You tell me if I succeeded.  But, I HAD to do something.  I mean, I couldn’t exactly let him wander off into la la land thinking it was OK just to do whatever – particularly with MY endorsement.  I mean, the boy does not need any encouragement!  I followed-up with this two minutes later …

(3:08 pm) Me:  Probly is best just to leave the thing in ur locker. That’s for sure what I’d have to do. Even today I leave mine behind when I do certain things. Just best.  Even if your teacher IS in complete outer space!!!!!  Hahahahaha

I was struggling here, obviously.  I KNOW the last thing the boy wants to do is leave his connection to the rest of the world behind when he is in, of all places, CLASS!  But, I just had to do something to plant some sort of seed in his head that he should at least think about it.  And, maybe, at some cerebral level, he got a little bit of a message about temptation and avoiding it.  Nah.  No way I’m THAT good.

(3:13 pm) MY nephew: He hee hee i just got out <<>:->>>

Oh, great. I had just succeeded in providing my nephew with a wonderful diversion for at least 30 minutes of class. That was just a grand lesson I taught him, wan’t it?  Um, yeah, we’ll forget about that one (at least until I hear about it from my sister – I’m sure I will) and move on …

(3:14 pm) Me:  Good deal.  U gonna learn a new lick on ur bass this afternoon?

(3:15 pm) My nephew:  Yah!!!!! Idk what though <<>:->>>

Well, I had successfully changed the subject.  I’ll let you all know what comes of the “bigger” issue.

Your hoping I haven’t scarred my nephew forever friend,

- Billy

Breaking Text Messaging Rules – Again.

Nicole checking in.

I did it again.  I broke Billy’s rule #9

9)  Don’t text after 10:30 pm unless (1) it’s a booty call, (2) they know it and (3) it’s worked before.

11:48PM Me: Psst.  Missin you tonight, hotieeeeee.

LOVELY!  Of course he was sleeping, and I looked like a fool.  9) should include – don’t text when you’ve been drinking for more than 3 hours.  This was bad.  Not only because of the lameness of the content, but I also accidentally sent it to the wrong person first!!!  Good thing it’s a buddy of mine who had a laugh.  I even had the chance not to send it to the right person when I realized I was wrong and guess what?  I freaking typed it out again the same and sent it!

*Sigh*

Texting during school???

Billy here.

My oldest nephew turned 12 today and I decided to send him a “Happy Birthday” text this morning (He got a personal cell phone for “emergencies” about a month ago. Yes.  He is a persuader of the most sinister kind.  You just can’t tell the kid “no.”).

Me: Happy Birthday dude!!  The BIG 1-2.  AWESOME!

Now, his mother (my sister) had told me that his phone is off and in his locker during school so I figured he’d get my note when school got out.  Guess we’d better make that supposed to be off because not 30 seconds later … Buzz. Buzz.

My nephew: Thanks Uncle B!!!!! <<<:->>>>>>

(My nephew follows all his texts with that emoticon.  A new sort of seal?  A far cry form the wax ones of Victorian days passed but, I digress.)

I didn’t respond.  What was he doing texting me back and where was he that he was able to do it?  Oh well.  I hoped he didn’t get (me) in trouble.

So, just a few minutes ago I called the boy. It was 4:30 pm where he was so I figured he’d answer.  He did.  He was doing his homework.  He answered after the first ring with a simple “hi”.  Talking on the phone is so much better than homework …

“Hey.  Happy Birthday, Millions.”  (Millions is his nickname.)

“Thanks Uncle B.  I also got your text earlier today.”  He was setting me up for “approval” and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

“Yeah.  I thought your mother told me you didn’t have your phone with you when you are in school.”

The boy was shameless!  “Oh, yeah.  It’s supposed to be in my locker and off.  But, I keep it with me and just keep it on vibrate and text in class.”

Now, what in the world am I supposed to say to that?  I mean, such off-handed delinquency.  Boy, did THAT sound familiar.  Reminded me of the time when I was a teenager and Mom and Dad were out of town and, having utter disregard for the “babysitter”, we kept a keg in the fridge in the basement for the entire weekend.  That was OK, wasn’t it?  I guess my nephew had decided texting during class is OK too!

My response was pathetic.  I actually laughed and said, “Hey, tell you what, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t ever hear you say that.”

He laughed too.  “OK.”  Ahhh, two bonding delinquents.  How cute.

“Tell you what, buddy, I’ve gotta run.  I just wanted to go ahead and call you now because I’ve got a dinner to go to tonight.  You go ahead and finish your homework and have a great birthday evening.  Give everyone my best there.”

“OK Uncle B.  See ya.”

Now, does any of you think I have actually heard the end of this?  The types of trouble texting causes us are just limitless!  But, it’s just so much fun, isn’t it?  My 12 year-old nephew certainly thinks so.  And, I can’t wait to steal his phone for a bit the next time I see him.  I have a sneaking suspicion the material in there will find its way here.

You all take care and pray my sister does not kill me the day Millions tells her, “But Uncle B. didn’t think it was a big deal.”  No wonder I’m not a parent (or even married)!

– Billy

Billy’s Top Ten Text Messaging Don’ts

I guess I’ve seen and done a lot of “What were you thinking?!” text messages.  I don’t know.  I mean … Is there something about it where we just think, “Hey, when I hit send and send it off into the Ether, it’s all good?”  Does the Ether make us invincible?  Or, worse, does the Ether actually make us use poor judgment and feel completely uninhibited?  For some of us, it must.  And, if you are one of those, here are my “Top Ten Text Messaging Don’ts”.  You just might want to keep these in mind.  They may save your life or, more importantly, your SEX life!

 

1) Never use the word “muff” in a text message (You know who you are.).

 

2) Don’t send your sexy neighbor that you hardly know a text message suggesting a lunch date and crazy sex afterwards.

 

3) Don’t delete an Ex’s entry in your cell phone address book.  Bad form if they text you one day and you have to text back, “Who is this?”  Been there.  (For you not-so-technological readers: Remember, the only reason a person’s name shows-up on your phone when they text or call you is because you’ve programmed it into your address book.)

 

4) Don’t use text to ask someone on a first date.  You do have class (i.e. balls), don’t you?

 

5) OMG?  If you’re a guy and not gay, don’t use it.  (Use emoticons and exclamation points sparingly too.)

 

6)  Bad idea to have a text conversation with two love interests at the same time.  You may think you’re that good.  You’re not. (Been there, too.  Doh!)

 

7) If you’re on a date with a love interest, especially a new one, don’t text. Period.  They know who you’re texting:  The other one you have or the other one that wants you and that you are keeping “in reserve”.  (Nicole has this problem!) 

 

8) Don’t be long winded.  Group, let’s remember, it’s called “SMS Text” for a reason.  That’s “Short Message Service”.  Not, “Send Me $h!t”.

 

9)  Don’t text after 10:30 pm unless (1) it’s a booty call, (2) they know it and (3) it’s worked before.

 

10) Particularly for you girls — particularly you blonde ones like Jenny: Don’t send a provocative picture to your beau.  It WILL get passed around.  (Maybe I’ll tell you all the story about what Jenny did one time … Oops!  Don’t know that she’ll let me include the picture, though.)

 

– Billy

 

“This ought to be a really good tease.”

 

“I will talk to you soon.” – Part 2

UPDATE:
Nicole checking in.

So, about 45 minutes after I sent the “WTF is soon” note, I decided to hedge a bit. I mean, I did want Mr. Soon to respond and, knowing a bit about him, was beginning to think aggressive was going to squish his fragile little ego. I followed-up with…

Me: “Just yankin’ your chain. Hope you had a good rest of the night and I look forward to hearing from you.” (You know, something sort of soft and kind was in order.)

A bit later, I left Jenny’s and hit the scene running. En route, I had the following exchange with another eligible bachelor, Mr. B (two love interests at the same time – breaking one of Billy’s rules – danger coming!):

Me: Whatcha up to? I’m out.

Mr. B: At the bar. How long are you staying?

Me: Just got here and the music ain’t bad.

Mr. B: I need to go home soon unless you want to meet up.

Eventually, Mr. Bachelor and I met on the dance floor where we stayed until 1:30 drinking Newkies, dancing the night away.

Mr. Soon who? Yup. I had forgotten all about him and was instead thinking Mr. B and I had time for one more beer.  Hmm, I just happened to have Stout cooling back at the house. I live downtown. It’s just too convenient. We headed to my place.

Mr. B and I were cooling our heels on the couch when, uh oh, it happened. Buzz goes the Blackberry. Then Buzz. Buzz. My Blackberry was blowing-up! In between kisses with Mr. B, I was actually trying to correspond with Mr. Soon and keep him at bay. Breaking ALL KINDS of rules here … I knew I was headed for trouble.

Mr. Soon: Hey

Mr. Soon: Hey no sex. Whats uo

Me: *Didn’t write anything*

Mr. Soon: 4 telephone calls

Yup, that’s right.  Mr. Soon had worked-in FOUR phone calls and clearly indicated he was on the way. I had to take care of this situation and get Mr. B out of there!  Amid much protest, Mr. B’s car was not exactly near-by (guess he could call a cab!), I shooed Mr. B. out the door and awaited Mr. Soon.

Ladies and Gents, “soon” was 3:00am.

Who are these people???

Meet the crew.

Jenny and Nicole – and oh yeah, Billy.

Jenny is a creative.  She can do anything besides mathematics or left hand turns.  Need a hot outfit?  Need your house styled for a photo shoot?  Hot party you need planned?  Jenny is your chick.  She’s the pro of classy, yet aggressive texting.  Naturally blonde, please text slowly.

Nicole is our resident techno nerd.  She works for an uber technology corporation.  She’s single in the city and all about sex.  Previously, she’s been texting Jenny for advice.  She may have better success with the help of our audience.  She’s already made every texting mistake in the book – probably why she’s still single.  *Jenny says it’s not her fault*

Billy.  Now Billy is our go-to guy.  When all else fails, Jenny and Nicole can always count on Billy to come up with a clever turn of phrase text response.  Thanks Billy.  Noone really knows what Billy does.  What we do know is that he’s freaking good at it.

Welcome to our world, we’d love to help you with yours.