Billy’s Top Ten Text Messaging Don’ts

I guess I’ve seen and done a lot of “What were you thinking?!” text messages.  I don’t know.  I mean … Is there something about it where we just think, “Hey, when I hit send and send it off into the Ether, it’s all good?”  Does the Ether make us invincible?  Or, worse, does the Ether actually make us use poor judgment and feel completely uninhibited?  For some of us, it must.  And, if you are one of those, here are my “Top Ten Text Messaging Don’ts”.  You just might want to keep these in mind.  They may save your life or, more importantly, your SEX life!

 

1) Never use the word “muff” in a text message (You know who you are.).

 

2) Don’t send your sexy neighbor that you hardly know a text message suggesting a lunch date and crazy sex afterwards.

 

3) Don’t delete an Ex’s entry in your cell phone address book.  Bad form if they text you one day and you have to text back, “Who is this?”  Been there.  (For you not-so-technological readers: Remember, the only reason a person’s name shows-up on your phone when they text or call you is because you’ve programmed it into your address book.)

 

4) Don’t use text to ask someone on a first date.  You do have class (i.e. balls), don’t you?

 

5) OMG?  If you’re a guy and not gay, don’t use it.  (Use emoticons and exclamation points sparingly too.)

 

6)  Bad idea to have a text conversation with two love interests at the same time.  You may think you’re that good.  You’re not. (Been there, too.  Doh!)

 

7) If you’re on a date with a love interest, especially a new one, don’t text. Period.  They know who you’re texting:  The other one you have or the other one that wants you and that you are keeping “in reserve”.  (Nicole has this problem!) 

 

8) Don’t be long winded.  Group, let’s remember, it’s called “SMS Text” for a reason.  That’s “Short Message Service”.  Not, “Send Me $h!t”.

 

9)  Don’t text after 10:30 pm unless (1) it’s a booty call, (2) they know it and (3) it’s worked before.

 

10) Particularly for you girls — particularly you blonde ones like Jenny: Don’t send a provocative picture to your beau.  It WILL get passed around.  (Maybe I’ll tell you all the story about what Jenny did one time … Oops!  Don’t know that she’ll let me include the picture, though.)

 

– Billy

 

“This ought to be a really good tease.”